tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85588380826191402542024-03-05T09:46:38.210-05:00In The Moment With MelDirectly from the heart, unfilteredMelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8558838082619140254.post-31694249505857661362014-03-25T16:03:00.001-04:002014-03-25T16:03:15.809-04:00She Stole My Heart...<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Nothing can be better than finding that one amazing person that wants to know everything about you. The person that loves you, not matter what, including the weird quirks that you didn't realize you had until they brought them to your attention. While loving every little ounce of goofiness, playfulness, seriousness, and everything in between. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">And in less than one full year, even less than eleven months, this wonderful, creative, supportive, caring, and sweet woman will be my wife. Since the day we met, we knew we would continue through life side-by-side. It is not a guarantee, it is not a promise, but it is how we see our future, together. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">She stole my heart, I stole her swag. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Closing thought: It's love. Our love. Plain and simple.</span> </span><br />
<br />
* <span style="color: #0b5394;">♥</span> ˚ ˚<span style="color: #b45f06;">✰</span>˚ ˛<span style="color: #f1c232;">★</span>* 。 <span style="color: #cc0000;">ღ</span>˛°Melhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8558838082619140254.post-47769872810575193772013-11-28T23:24:00.001-05:002013-11-28T23:24:06.216-05:00Loved Always, Missed Deeply<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">So many emotions. Still having a rough time dealing with the loss of a great man, even though I wasn't "really family." I just know that I loved him like he was my own Grandpa and I felt that it was returned by him. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">Everyone copes with loss in their own way, I find music to wrap myself in. I gravitate to music and lyrics that say exactly what I feel or the emotional attachment between myself and others. Grieving takes many shapes, many faces, many topics, many songs.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">Having not been able to attend my own Grandpa's funeral many years ago. I no longer have my Dad in my life. My son and I do not see each other, nor talk. I have no extremely close relationships with any man that had previously had in my life. Each of these factors combined made this moment </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">hit me ridiculously harder on many more levels than I ever expected. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">Of all the days for Papa to pass, it was September 11, and the day we had scheduled for our Engagement Portraits to be taken. </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">That night was a whirlwind, and it seems to not to have stopped fully. Now with planning our wedding, there feels like a very large part will be missing. He and I both were very excited to have him say the blessing at the ceremony. Remembering just how proud he was, and he let it be known, that she and I are getting married and bought a house together. </span></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">Breaks my heart that he's gone and won't be able to invite us to dinner, tell us the same stories for the 58th time less than 3 months, or to leave the 2 minute voicemails on my fiancee's cell. </span></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">And of course, my daughter would always ask about Papa and couldn't leave without giving him a big hug. The list goes on, and on. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 200%;">Old man, hospital bed</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 200%;">The room is filled with people he loves</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 200%;">And he whispers, "don't cry for me,</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 200%;">I'll see you all someday"</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 200%;">He looks up and says,</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 200%;">"I can see God's face"</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 200%;">This is my temporary home</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 200%;">It's not where I belong</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 200%;">Windows and rooms that I'm passing through</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 200%;">This was just a stop on the way to where I'm going</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 200%;">I'm not afraid because I know</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 200%;">This was my temporary home</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> -Carrie Underwood, "Temporary Home"</span> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">I apologize that this definitely is not a cohesive blog post. Emotions are streaming in from every direction. Sometimes you just need to get out how you're feeling and not let it sit inside. I haven't been able to put into words how I've felt in the past couple of months, and I have noticed that I've distanced myself even from my future wife. Writing is therapeutic. Music is therapeutic. Love never ends. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Closing Thoughts: Don't hide your emotions! Plain and simple.</span></div>
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* <span style="color: #0b5394;">♥</span> ˚ ˚<span style="color: #b45f06;">✰</span>˚ ˛<span style="color: #f1c232;">★</span>* 。 <span style="color: #cc0000;">ღ</span>˛° </div>
Melhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.com0Rochester, NY 14616, USA43.2306445 -77.64788520000001943.138066499999994 -77.809246700000017 43.3232225 -77.486523700000021tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8558838082619140254.post-42467170926826302302013-11-21T21:51:00.001-05:002013-11-21T22:02:46.103-05:00Personal Thoughts<div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"But I'm sure that whether you decide to forgive me & continue to walk through this absolutely crazy life with me as your friend or if you decide it's best to cut ties with me so that future anger, frustration. & hurt is avoided completely... I understand & won't hold any grudges against you because you have made a great impact on my life in the short time that I've been able to call you my friend."</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">"Life is meant to be an adventure. Finding someone to share it with... can be a trip! The most important part... not holding back & having no regrets! Enjoy your adventure!!"</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">"The future is still unwritten. And for me, right now, in this moment, that is my greatest comfort." </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">These are all from very intimate conversations with very close friends, or people that I believed would still be in my life into t he future. At least I still have the memories. </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">(This may be one of those posts that I continue to update from time to time.) </span> </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Closing Thoughts: Keep it personal. Plain and simple.</span></div>
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* <span style="color: #0b5394;">♥</span> ˚ ˚<span style="color: #b45f06;">✰</span>˚ ˛<span style="color: #f1c232;">★</span>* 。 <span style="color: #cc0000;">ღ</span>˛° </div>
Melhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8558838082619140254.post-28645052621089335712013-02-06T13:26:00.002-05:002013-11-21T21:47:18.818-05:00Holy Crap... Unexpected!! <br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I cann<span style="font-size: small;">ot say just how EXCITED<span style="font-size: small;"> I <span style="font-size: small;">am <span style="font-size: small;">for this very fast update!! </span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Ironically</span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">, the day after I </span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">originally</span> posted <span style="font-size: small;">"My Turn" </span>... I walk into the Atrium on </span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">c</span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">ampus</span> and </span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">what </span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">do I </span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">see in the <span style="font-size: small;">Student Life Fair</span> but a <span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: red;">PR</span><span style="color: orange;">ID</span><span style="color: yellow;">E A</span><span style="color: lime;">LL</span><span style="color: blue;">IA</span><span style="color: purple;">NC</span><span style="color: #e06666;">E</span></b></span> booth!! And their first meeting is going to be hel</span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">d this coming </span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Friday, </span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">February 8th </span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">from 12:30 to 2pm!! Too bad I have to be to work at 1 on Friday! :-( I am crossing my finger</span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">s to be able to be a VERY active </span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">mem</span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">ber in the PRIDE ALLIANCE!!<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<br />Melhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8558838082619140254.post-69503711664421960172013-02-05T17:01:00.001-05:002013-02-06T13:22:53.206-05:00My Turn...<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>"If you want something done, you need to do it yourself. If it is something that means something to you, take the reigns and run with it. Do not let anyone tell you that it cannot be done or that it does not matter."</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I believe now is a great time to decide that I am completely in charge of my life - yes, I knew this before - and get myself focused on some of my passions. It is my turn to show the world, or little ol' Rochester, what I am made of and where my heart is in our community. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Our LGBT Community is very visible in our area but here on campus, we no longer have a Campus Pride, our student run LGBT club. I will, well should, only be attending this college for, at most, two more semesters, so I would like to see Campus Pride in full swing for the remainder of my time here. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">That being said, I am going to start knocking down doors and getting people rallied with me! We, the student body, needs to have a voice and a universal place to be themselves on campus and to know that it is a "Safe Place." Yes, I know that there are plenty of place on campus that are available as such a domain, but I would like to see a united front here again. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I was told by a few of my buddies in another club that they have my back on this and they support me enough to stand up for Campus Pride, even though they may not fall into the LGBT community completely; having Allies is a great gift to anyone that is in "the family."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">So, as I continue to persue my education, I am going to become more of an "activist," for lack of better term. I'll keep you updated on the progress of Campus Pride!!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Closing Thoughts: Lighting a fire within. Lighting a fire on campus. Plain and simple.</span></div>
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* <span style="color: #0b5394;">♥</span> ˚ ˚<span style="color: #b45f06;">✰</span>˚ ˛<span style="color: #f1c232;">★</span>* 。 <span style="color: #cc0000;">ღ</span>˛°</div>
Melhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8558838082619140254.post-65805873858812658282013-02-05T16:34:00.000-05:002013-02-05T16:34:08.240-05:00Temporary Removal<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I know at the time that I had posted my "Label Me a Lesbian" essay, that I was rather proud of it and wanted the world to be able to better understand the differences, yet at the moment I am retracting my post for reasons that I will not completely disclose for now. Some additions need to be made and a little more editing must happen. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Thank you for all of your support and love.</span> <br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Closing Thoughts: Revamping ideas. Plain and simple.</span></div>
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* <span style="color: #0b5394;">♥</span> ˚ ˚<span style="color: #b45f06;">✰</span>˚ ˛<span style="color: #f1c232;">★</span>* 。 <span style="color: #cc0000;">ღ</span>˛° </div>
Melhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8558838082619140254.post-45483080809216557392013-01-29T13:41:00.002-05:002013-02-06T13:52:13.452-05:00Consiquences & Forgiveness<div class="fbChatMessage fsm direction_ltr" data-jsid="message" id="msg_1288634071_1314667876827:20839417" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b>"I'm definitely learning that people walk into our lives when the time is right... but they also exit when they're supposed to. It's a hard concept to grasp. And one I've fought with for years and years." ~ Mel's very own philosophy </b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I guess it is time for me to stop fighting the fact that not everyone will always be there for me and I have to accept that I have to deal with some situations on my own. I cannot always count on the people in my circle to help me heal when life knocks my feet out for underneath me or punches me in the gut. I hate feeling alone and left to pick up my own pieces. I know I have plenty of wonderful people that I can turn to, but there are times that they will not be able to piece me back together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I have caused so much drama in my life over the past couple of weeks. My head and my heart are still reeling from the whirlwind of bad choices that I have made. And now, I find out that the man that I let into my life was a complete and utter jackass that knew exactly what he was doing by trying to control every move I was making. In the time that I allowed him to call the shots, I started to see the people I love and care for begin to shut me out because I thought I was doing what was right by turning my back on them. Boy was I wrong for that move. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Now, three months later, I have moved on from that moment in my life, although I am still dealing with the consequences of my actions. I have not spoken to that said person in over two and a half months, and I do not plan on speaking to him ever again. There are some people that just have toxic personalities; I lived with one before and will not again allow one to be a large part of my life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I feel that I have found the one person in life that truly gets me and understands what I'm working through in my life. She is absolutely amazing in so many ways that I almost cannot believe that she loves me for who I am. Knowing that she, too, has dealt with rough parts in her life, I feel more comfortable with sharing my deepest secrets and thoughts with her. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">______</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Another post that was started over a year ago. Dealing with how complicated and unruly one relationship was beginning to make a deeply romantically charged one, having to cut ties sometimes is the only way to save one's own sanity and the love of a lifetime. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I appreciate the time that I did have with him and the changes that I made in that time. I will not sacrifice the love and connection that I have for the woman that I have beside me. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Closing Thoughts: Letting go & moving on is good. Plain and simple.</span></div>
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* <span style="color: #0b5394;">♥</span> ˚ ˚<span style="color: #b45f06;">✰</span>˚ ˛<span style="color: #f1c232;">★</span>* 。 <span style="color: #cc0000;">ღ</span>˛° </div>
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Melhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.com0North Gates, NY 14606, USA43.17639 -77.70166999999997911.551471 -137.46729499999998 74.801309 -17.936044999999979tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8558838082619140254.post-81414112399304554462012-12-03T22:48:00.001-05:002014-01-28T09:59:41.054-05:00Reading List<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Since I started taking my (favorite literature class thus far) Gay & Lesbian Literature class at school (and keep in mind that I am going to be 30, so "school" that I speak of is my first attempt at college since life happened between now & high school), I have started to make a reading list. I might, one day, post my list but until I get it squared away, feel free to tell me what are your favorite LGBT genre novels, memoirs, fiction, etc. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am always excited to add to my ever-growing "library" of literature, sitting on my dresser, leaned against my jewelry box. Eventually, when she and I buy a house, we will have a library for the vast amounts of books that the two of us have collected over the years, seperately and as a couple. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Here are a few titles or authors that I have an interest in reading:</span><br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Butch is a Noun </i>- S. Bear Bergman</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Drag King Dreams </i>- Leslie Feinberg</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Audre Lorde</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Are You My Mother?</i> - Alison Bechdel</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ellen Hopkins (possibly but not a burning interest)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>House on Mango Street</i> - </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sandra Cisneros</span></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>And Tango Makes Three</i> - </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Peter Parnell</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; line-height: 16.88px;"> and </span>Justin Richardson (may be children's lit but I do have kids!)</span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As you can tell, it's a short list at the moment, considering I'm sitting here trying to recall what titles I had wanted to read. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Alright, time to jet. Needing to get home to finish my papers (obviously, I have not accomplished them yet since I'm still a little distracted. Hoping I have officially cleared my mind now!)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Let me mention one minor side note: my girlfriend has decided that I am "overly obsessed with my 'gayness'." Please remind her that it's completely alright for me to be like this!! :-)</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Closing Thoughts: Ever expanding knowledge, ROCKS! Plain and simple.</span></div>
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* <span style="color: #0b5394;">♥</span> ˚ ˚<span style="color: #b45f06;">✰</span>˚ ˛<span style="color: #f1c232;">★</span>* 。 <span style="color: #cc0000;">ღ</span>˛°<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Updating my list! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I have an ever expanding, almost exploding, bookshelf full of books within the LGBTQAI genre and I can't seem to stop adding more to it!</span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i>The Illusionist</i> - Francoise Mallet-Joris </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><i>I Am a Red Dress: Incantations on a Grandmother, a Mother, and a Daughter</i> - Anna Camilleri</span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><i>Annie on My Mind</i> - Nancy Garden</span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><i>Ash</i> & <i>Huntress </i>- Malinda Lo</span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><i>The Photograph</i> - Jane Retzig</span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><i>Tell the Wolves I'm Home</i> - Carol Rifka Brunt </span></span></span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">These are a few, and obviously since authors continue to publish, this list will continue to grow. (Plus, this makes a great place for me to list them and have them saved so I don't lose the papers I write the titles on! Sometimes I have good ideas.) </span></span></span></div>
Melhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.com2Gates, NY, USA43.1480944 -77.722316243.101754899999996 -77.8012802 43.1944339 -77.6433522tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8558838082619140254.post-34385599292493818862012-12-03T11:22:00.000-05:002013-02-05T17:02:28.562-05:00Ugh, The Lack of Focus<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Why does this <span style="font-size: small;">keep happening to me? I have 3 <span style="font-size: small;">very different <span style="font-size: small;">papers to w<span style="font-size: small;">rite and I cannot focus on any of them. My mind wanders to the trillion things other than my <span style="font-size: small;">p<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">aper</span> topics<span style="font-size: small;">. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">What am I doing<span style="font-size: small;">?<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"> I <span style="font-size: small;">have less than 48 hours to complete all three for my classes<span style="font-size: small;"> <span style="font-size: small;">and my mind<span style="font-size: small;"> just is not here. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Alright, no<span style="font-size: small;">w that I have that ou<span style="font-size: small;">t, sort of. Maybe I <span style="font-size: small;">can actually focus and write <span style="font-size: small;">three amazing papers! .... Back to work!! <span style="font-size: small;"> And I f<span style="font-size: small;">orgot to mention that I have to be <span style="font-size: small;">to work in about 43 minutes. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">I can do <span style="font-size: small;">this! <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I have to do this!</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #e06666;">C<span style="font-size: small;">losing thought: <span style="font-size: small;">Get it together<span style="font-size: small;">, plain & simple! </span></span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
* <span style="color: #0b5394;">♥</span> ˚ ˚<span style="color: #b45f06;">✰</span>˚ ˛<span style="color: #f1c232;">★</span>* 。 <span style="color: #cc0000;">ღ</span>˛° Melhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.com0University of Rochester, 252 Elmwood Ave, Rochester, NY 14611, USA43.122428 -77.629269743.0992485 -77.6687517 43.1456075 -77.589787699999988tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8558838082619140254.post-5483545338247195742012-11-13T12:52:00.001-05:002013-02-05T16:51:12.013-05:00My Commitment<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When you meet that one person, have
that intimate connection, and know they are “the one” that you never want to
see walk out of your life, do yourself a favor, and let them know how you
feel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t wait.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have
been overwhelmingly blessed with this past year to have been able to spend the
countless minutes, days, weeks, months with the one person that I want to spend
my life with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We both admit that we
“knew” from the night that we met, that we would be in a relationship, which
neither of us wanted to go through life without taking the chance of being
together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good or bad, pass or fail, we
were taking that chance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have learned with her, there is
just a connection; a deeper pull at the innermost part of my heart that I had
not known existed before her, even through all of my past failed
relationships.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">At one time, early in our budding
relationship, she admitted that I had “stolen [her] swag,” rendering her almost
useless when other girls tried to carry a conversation with her. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, I giggled, not knowing how to
really react to her openness and sweet confession of her feelings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At that moment, I knew for sure that my heart
belonged with, to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We may not be engaged nor married,
but we have a commitment to each other that no other will or can come between, or
compromise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is the one I want to
fall asleep with always, the one I want to wake up beside, the one I want to
reach each life milestone with from here on out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“25 to life” has become my promise to her,
especially since one of her co-workers cracked a joke about me being her
“ball-and-chain.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">In my heart, I know she is the
woman I am going to grow old with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From
her heart, she has given the assurance that she is no longer looking for
someone new.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">One day, in the near-ish future,
she has already let on that she will be putting a ring on my finger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not to be jumping the gun at all but I cannot
wait to be able to show the world our commitment to each other through that
sparkle on my left hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With or without
the ring, she has let everyone know that “[I] have been spoken for since we met
and nobody better try to come between us, if they know what is good for
them.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, she’s not trying to be a
jerk, not trying to be controlling, just not wanting to have to deal with
people that try to split a good thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">She’s my protector.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s my best friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s my supporter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s my “man.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has been there to remind me that I am
more than the person I was in my past.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She has been my shoulder to cry on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She’s my lover.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is my equal. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is the one I have spent my adult life
looking for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am so thankful to have found
the love of my life in the woman that refuses to give up on our love, even when
times get rough between us.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">Closing Thought: Commitment is a deeper feeling than words can define. Plain and simple.</span></span><br />
<br />
* <span style="color: #0b5394;">♥</span> ˚ ˚<span style="color: #ffd966;">✰</span>˚ ˛★* 。 <span style="color: #cc0000;">ღ</span>˛° Melhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8558838082619140254.post-51537574710491900102012-01-18T14:21:00.001-05:002012-01-18T14:23:04.745-05:00Refocus & Redefine<div class="fbChatMessage fsm direction_ltr" data-jsid="message" id="msg_100000475207249_1314803924883:1937272057" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>"Stop letting men define who you are because right now they are treating you like a doormat." - J.D. (August 31, 2011)</b></span><br />
<br />
There are times that the statements that might just hurt the most if said by the wrong person, can be completely appreciated when told by the closest, most trusted friend.<br />
<br />
I was blessed today to be able to have a long, open, honest conversation with one of my lifelong friends, J.D., whom I have always respected for her honesty. She knows me as well as I know myself, and is always there for me when I need someone to lean on, no matter the situation. Today, I found myself chatting with J.D. about the recent happenings that have overwhelmed my life, and that I have allowed to begin to steal my inner joy for life. J.D. listened to what I was saying, understanding that my mind and heart were not on the same page, yet without hesitation she knew the right way to tell me that I need to refocus life and stop looking to other people to define the woman I am. <br />
<br />
___<br />
<br />
I have found myself, almost 5 months later, coming back to this particular post, just as I had left it... unfinished. I find that it is meant to be incomplete, as most of my thoughts and feelings do not always have a final endpoint. I feel that this post is best left as it is... unfinished and incomplete... because who said that every moment in life needs to find an end.<br />
<br />
What J.D. said to me that day will forever be held in my heart. Thank you for being such an amazing friend whenever I need one the most. I know our friendship will never be incomplete...<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Closing thought: Be as unfinished as you need to be. Plain and simple.</span></div><br />
* <span style="color: #0b5394;">♥</span> ˚ ˚<span style="color: #ffd966;">✰</span>˚ ˛★* 。 <span style="color: #cc0000;">ღ</span>˛° </div>Melhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.com0North Gates, NY 14606, USA43.17639 -77.70166999999997911.551471 -137.46729499999998 74.801309 -17.936044999999979tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8558838082619140254.post-62654835548573438142011-11-16T17:26:00.001-05:002013-02-05T17:04:34.430-05:00What Life Is...<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">"Life is meant to be an adventure. Finding someone to share it with... can be a trip! The most important part... not holding back & having no regrets! Enjoy your adventure!!" -M.S.N. (September 10th, 2011)</span></span></h6>
<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-weight: normal;">I have finally started to accept that the best things in life, happen when you are not expecting them. I was starting to doubt life and the goodness of God because everything in my life was completely crashing down and I had no control over any of it at the time. It was in the time frame of about two weeks that my life went into a terrible tailspin and I just wanted out, not having a clue about how to fix any of it. Knowing how badly I was feeling and finally acknowledging that fact that I had made some pretty amazingly wrong choices, I started to fall apart. I was no longer the positive, peppy, and even bubbly girl that everyone around me knew. I was hating myself and my entire life! I wanted all of the bad to go away and not bother to be around because I felt like the biggest let-down and failure ever. Then during the tail end of these two weeks, that I started to communicate with some absolutely positive minded people.</span></span></span></h6>
<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"> While getting to know these people better and during the long conversations that we have had, I am learning more about who I am. I know I have great friends that will be there for me to vent to, discuss life with, and cry to but being able to look at life through someone else's eyes, is something that I have not been able to do in a long time. I am understanding that each and every person in the life had their own demons to deal with and just because I felt as though my life was out of my control, it was just the circumstances that were out of my control. I needed a "jump start" to get myself to focus on what I could change and start there.</span></span></span></h6>
<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-weight: normal;">In the past few days, positive outcomes have started to show themselves to me. I am excited about a job opportunity that has presented itself to me and am currently crossing my fingers, along with many of my closest friends are also. I have a more positive outlook on my life and I do not feel as lost anymore. Being able to overcome such deep feelings of loneliness, rejection, anger, etc. has put a smile on my face that has not left in days.</span></span></span></h6>
<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></span></h6>
<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-weight: normal;">-- Not yet completed... --</span></span></span></h6>
<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Closing Thought: Life is a work in progress. Plain & simple.</span></span></span></span></h6>
<div>
* <span style="color: #0b5394;">♥</span> ˚ ˚<span style="color: #b45f06;">✰</span>˚ ˛<span style="color: #f1c232;">★</span>* 。 <span style="color: #cc0000;">ღ</span>˛° </div>
<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></span></h6>
Melhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.com0North Gates, NY 14606, USA43.17639 -77.70166999999997911.551471 -137.46729499999998 74.801309 -17.936044999999979tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8558838082619140254.post-59848125352032847402011-08-29T23:51:00.000-04:002011-08-29T23:51:52.111-04:00Clarity, or Lack Thereof<div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>"So, enjoy the bullshit, enjoy the consequences, and enjoy the fact that you now have to truly accept responsibility for your actions. You really aren't good at making good decisions. You're going to lose a lot in this endeavor. And I don't mean me actually. You say you "know" but you do you really? Do you really understand? I'm pretty sure you won't "know" until it's all over.<span class="timestamp"></span><span class="timestamp"> </span><i>When you don't have to sift through the clouds to find the clarity you're so desperately seeking.</i>" ~ K.R. (August 28, 2011)</b></span></div><br />
<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">It's the lowest feeling to know that you can never take back the one decision that completely ruins one of the most perfect friendships ever. Why did I have to choose? What was I thinking? How can you be so dumb, Mel?! All for what, the "chance" to be loved, but will it ever really be love? What's the point of feeling bad about a decision I obviously thought was correct at the time? And now, having to actually accept the consequences, is harder than making the decision itself. </span></div><br />
<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I know he speaks the truth. I have no reason to not trust what he has told me considering, he has not been proven wrong very often, if ever in the time that I have known him. He has been the one person that has ever come into my life that has actually not sugarcoat anything with me. We were always able to be open and honest about our feelings, about our secrets, about how life was going, etc. There was just a "connection" between myself and this friend that I do not think I had felt with anyone before. Yes, I have had many, many friends and relationships with various people throughout the years, and I hold so many of their friendships close to my heart, yet this one seemed different. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I admit to struggling with guilt, regret, remorse, anger, and numerous other feelings since our friendship ended, especially on such terrible terms. I brought this on myself and I have to own the fact that I am at fault here. No one else did this to me. I made an absolutely horrendous decision to pursue something that, clearly, was going to go no where and be nothing when all was said and done. Obviously it has amounted to nothing because it ended pretty much before it began. But my life has still been turned upside-down by my actions. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I can say that there has been at least one positive that has occurred since this has been brought out into the open; another relationship has been strengthened and it feels like this may be what I have been looking for. Being able to be honest with this other person, and myself, is a wonderful feeling </span><span style="font-size: small;">because it has allowed us to be able to start over</span><span style="font-size: small;">. Having the understanding and openness with this someone whom deserves nothing by trust, honesty, appreciation, and respect is wonderful and exactly where I feel I belong. I am so thankful that he is not holding this mistake against me and is willing to move forward with me by his side. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Through this process, I have had to learn, the hard way, that the old cliche of "the grass is not always greener..." is so damn true. Learning to cherish and adore what is directly in plain view is a life lesson that I need to cling to more often. I admit that I have a hard time realizing that the best things in life are right in front of me and that I do not need to go searching elsewhere for them. I admit that I have taken so much in my life for granted. Having made this one stupid mistake, it seems that my eyes and heart have opened to the possibilities that life holds right here. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Despite all of the mishaps, mistakes, and missteps that have taken place within the last two weeks or so, I know that in the coming days, weeks, months, years that my life with make sense again. I will be loved and cherished as I have always searched for. And that person will feel from me that they are loved and cherished in return, as they completely deserve. And even if it is in vain, I will still hold out the hope that the friendship that I so easily shattered to pieces, might be mended someday. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #e06666;">Closing thought: That moment of clarity can happen at any point, be ready. Plain and simple.</span><br />
</span><br />
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</span><br />
* <span style="color: #0b5394;">♥</span> ˚ ˚<span style="color: #b45f06;">✰</span>˚ ˛<span style="color: #f1c232;">★</span>* 。 <span style="color: #cc0000;">ღ</span>˛° </div>Melhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.com1North Gates, NY 14606, USA43.17639 -77.70166999999997911.551471 -137.46729499999998 74.801309 -17.936044999999979tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8558838082619140254.post-60281320720405170742011-08-08T19:02:00.002-04:002013-02-05T17:03:51.614-05:00Endless Chatter<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Have you ever found yourself in the presence of someone that just will not stop talking? A person that does not understand what it is to have a meaningful conversation that includes allowing all parties involved to speak? Why is it that I find myself in this position time after time? Do my opinions and thoughts really not matter that much to you that think you have to control every moment of time spent with me with the endless chatter that you believe to be so pertinent? And by the time we part ways, I end up feeling almost worthless, having no true value as a friend or companion. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I had always been taught to not interrupt a person while they are speaking and to continue to have eye contact with them, not only to show you are paying attention but also as a sign of respect. When concentrating on what the speaker is saying, you should not only close your mouth and not say anything until they have completed their thought, but open your mind to understand what they are trying to convey. I believe it goes deeper than only opening your mind, you need to open your heart, allowing the truth and honesty to flow freely without judgment or ridicule. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Although, I do completely understand when the other person is rattling on and on and on, that you do end up, subconsciously, toning them out. I am sure there have been times that it is a conscious decision to stop listening. I will admit, I am guilty of this. Honestly, when the topic is something that I feel is of little importance to myself or has been previously beaten to death in a discussion, I will most likely stop listening. When I start feeling like my viewpoint has become unwelcome or unwanted, I do allow myself to become distracted and lose interest in the conversation. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I had a short dialog with a person in my close circle about when people talk over you, feel the need to control the conversation, or when your words are blatantly ignored. I was not surprised at all when I learned that these people have controlling tendencies. Also, the person may feel that they are never heard nor understood, </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">or the opposite and just need to be the center of attention. There could also be the possibility that they </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">do not understand proper etiquette with interacting with other people. Actually, a couple of these I have been guilty of from time to time, usually when I am super excited about the information I have to share. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Why initiate a conversation with someone if your idea of a good discussion is one-sided? Why would you want to be guilty of the endless chatter? Think about how it feels when you have been the person to walk away and know you have not gotten a word in edgewise. Not such a great feeling to be completely honest, am I correct? Think about it next time you are spending time with someone other than yourself. If you value your own opinion that much, talk to yourself. If you want to be valued, and respected, by others, allow them to join in the discussion with you. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">Closing thought: Shut up and allow the other person(s) to speak. Plain and simple.</span></span><br />
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* <span style="color: #0b5394;">♥</span> ˚ ˚<span style="color: #b45f06;">✰</span>˚ ˛<span style="color: #f1c232;">★</span>* 。 <span style="color: #cc0000;">ღ</span>˛° Melhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.com0North Gates, NY 14606, USA43.17639 -77.70166999999997943.145094 -77.760034999999974 43.207685999999995 -77.643304999999984tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8558838082619140254.post-68108208747288998162011-08-06T19:21:00.005-04:002011-08-07T03:03:10.485-04:00My Lovable Randomness<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Here's a little "background" on the girl I am. I am a "facebook junkie." I cannot flow with the same train of thought for a long period of time (as noted in my "Distractions" post). I love catching my friends completely off guard by messaging, texting, or just saying the most random ideas or comments at completely random times. I am then known to be "Captain Obvious," stating "RANDOM" right after the comment. I have been told numerous times that I can only be "handled in small doses," which is hilarious to me! I love to make people smile and laugh.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Randomly random facts about myself:</span><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I used to suck my thumb until I was about 14.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I believe in God.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Everyday, I wear something pink and/or sparklie!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I refuse to eat any white & creamy substance, with only a couple exceptions.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I had never been to the beach until I was 22 or 23. First time was at nighttime with a group a girls I had just met that day, in North Carolina.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I love wintertime. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I once had lunch with Mr. Olan Mills, II, </span><span class="st" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Chairman Emeritus</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> of Olan Mills INC. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I conquered my phobia of cleaning a cat box, finally, at the age of 28.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I love Pepsi.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I have a passion for photography.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I still have a crush on Jon Bon Jovi!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I kissed a girl and it will happen again. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I have never had my very own apartment.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I am a domestic violence survivor! </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I HATE spiders & snakes!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Even when my children are not with me, I tell them "Goodnight. And have good dreams. I love you, my little honeys," outloud.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I am a terrible liar. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I still have a piece of my "blankie" from when I was way little. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I have had a one-night stand with a man that did not remember my name in the morning. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I have an minor obsession with facebook.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I am always listening to music; hardly watch television.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Unfortunately, I have been caught engaging in sexual acts by random strangers, and people close to me. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I can wrap presents like a pro.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">When our Ecology Club went to Boston for a Whale Watch, I went through 10 rolls of film in just three days! I was only 13 at the time. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I live with "open-mouth-insert-foot syndrome."</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I was not allowed to attend my Grandpa's funeral because I was on crutches at the time. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I have put on makeup just to go to the grocery store since I was a teen.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I own a bracelet that says "No Boyfriend, No Problem." </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I hate horror films!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Usually my face turns bright red when I laugh extremely hard. Sometimes, I snort. Other times, I cannot breathe. </span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Do not judge me by what you have just learned about the person I am. These are all part of what make me unique. I can be almost 100% sure that you have some truths about yourself that you are uncomfortable with. Possibly the only difference between us, I accept who I am and am not ashamed any longer of my choices, especially the one I'm about to make when I click the "Publish Post" button. </span><br />
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<div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Closing thought: Be random, and enjoy it. Plain and simple.</span></div><br />
* <span style="color: #0b5394;">♥</span> ˚ ˚<span style="color: #ffd966;">✰</span>˚ ˛★* 。 <span style="color: #cc0000;">ღ</span>˛°Melhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.com0North Gates, NY 14606, USA43.17639 -77.70166999999997911.551471 -137.46729499999998 74.801309 -17.936044999999979tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8558838082619140254.post-74914372876791335082011-08-06T12:37:00.004-04:002011-08-08T20:25:52.387-04:00"Fleeting Happiness"<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">"Life is a fluid concept<br />
So who knows if you can ever be truly happy with life.<br />
It’s more of a momentary or fleeting happiness." -K.R. (August 5th, 2011)</span></span></h6><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-weight: normal;"></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Let me begin by saying, how true! In the months that I have been blessed to call the author of this statement my friend, I have seen through my own eyes, and heart, just how momentary happiness can be. I have lived more than my fair share of life's ups and downs. I have felt how quickly, in just seconds, happiness can be whisked away and replaced with sadness, anger, doubt, betrayal, hurt, the list is endless.</span></span></span></span></h6><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">As for as I'm concerned and knowing who I am, I am generally a happy-go-lucky girl, that has always tried to seek out the good in everyone while trying to bring out the happiness, smiles, and laughter in the people that I am surrounded with. I love to laugh and be silly with my circle of friends, family, and work associates simply because I know life is far too short to not enjoy every possible moment to the fullest. I have been told that I have a rather "infectious personality" and that "whatever you're on, we need to bottle up and sell," both statements crack me up! </span></span></span></span></h6><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Although, I do try to show myself to the world as a girl that has "it" together, when I know that this is not the case at all. I see the way when I am with certain people, and how it differs from when I am around others. I "hide behind my smile" when I am nervous, feel unwelcome, or when I feel my character is being attacked. I may outwardly look "happy" but inside I am falling apart at certain moments. There are times that I hate being human and having emotions, especially when I know that a huge percentage of my live has been filled with joy and happiness. </span></span></span></span></h6><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> I cannot stand being blindsided in life at the times when I finally feel that happiness is within my reach. Having the power to overcome these moments, being able to remove the hurt and bitterness before these feelings take root, is a great accomplishment and shows just how much I have grown as person within the past few months. Finally being able to put aside my selfishness, and actually being happy for the life decisions that are made would not have happened in my past.</span></span></span></span></h6><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">I am a girl that struggles with depression and has plenty of mood swings. I have been known to hold onto regret when I know I should not because there should be no choices in life that should ever be filed under "regret" if a life lesson was taken from the experience. It has always been a lifelong fault of mine that I give into the negative attitudes or personalities around me and let them bring me down. For quite some time, I had learned to refocus then rise above negative and let my inner joy for life shine through. Recently, I almost feel I am starting to lose that ability, thus making it hard to conquer the depression that has embedded itself deeply into my soul. One day, I will find true contentment and inner peace while being able to leave the depression far behind me.</span></span></span></span></h6><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">I live for the days that I am surrounded with my favorite people, even if it is only through a phone call, chat message, or facebook. I feel lost and empty the days that I spend without them. I love seeing the happy expressions on everyone's faces and hearing the emotion in their voices. I cannot see my life without the people I love so much and that cherish me in return. </span></span></span></span></h6><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}" style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Closing thought: Hold onto whatever "fleeting happiness" comes your way, it could be gone in a moment. Plain and simple. </span></span></span></span></h6><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">* <span style="color: #9fc5e8;">♥ </span>˚ ˚<span style="color: #ffd966;">✰</span>˚ ˛★* 。 <span style="color: #e06666;">ღ</span>˛° </div><div class="fbChatMessage fsm direction_ltr" data-jsid="message" id="msg_721397515_1312643407985:3901747376"></div>Melhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.com0North Gates, NY 14606, USA43.17639 -77.70166999999997942.926021999999996 -78.168588999999983 43.426758 -77.234750999999974tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8558838082619140254.post-67071728579535062692011-08-06T02:25:00.003-04:002013-02-05T17:04:01.658-05:00Distractions<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
I will be the first to admit that I am one of the easiest people in my world to distract, even when I am supposed to be focused on a simple, specific task. I am not proud of this characteristic. I am merely pointing out a flaw that I know I have as a human being in hopes of finding a way to adjust . </div>
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Distractions come in so many different forms, ie. music, friends, phone calls or just plain boredom, and tend to beg for me to avoid what I am wanting, or needing, to be focused on at the time. I have found myself randomly being bombarded with miscellaneous ideas, thoughts, persons, etc. that drag me off course, only to find that I have allowed my ending goal of accomplishing various tasks has been thrown to the wayside. With this finally being admitted openly, I can also say, I have felt like a failure for not following through on certain endeavors. </div>
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Although, recently, I have yearned for someone or something to distract me from the reality that is my life. I have begged and pleaded with myself to stop thinking and analyzing recent happenings, and just find a new focus, but finding that distraction has become harder here in the present than in the past. The conversations that had so easily become a quick and easy way out, have now ended and almost become that of a dream. Trying to search out a replacement or just learning to accept such a complete change, I am finding, is extremely hard when the kind of distraction that was so readily available before is no longer an option. So many changes have taken place within the last few weeks, that my favorite distractions have been, for lack of better term, erased from my life. </div>
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I feel like I am a living, breathing oxymoron. On one hand, I adore my distractions. Yet, on the other, I loathe them. There is the possibly I am dissatisfied with my own self, for feeling like I need be distracted to be able to get through my days and to cope with my reality. And I still find myself reaching out for distractions to lead me away, even when I know there are extremely important tasks that need to be tended to. </div>
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Random thought: In the time that it has taken me to write this little bit from my heart, I have had at minimum of 7 different conversations and various other distractions making my "train of thought, jump track." </div>
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Granted, being able to multi-task is a great quality to have and I know many people who are able to do so; yet, I, personally, never actually claimed to be a "master multi-tasker" but I sure can fake it. Although, being distracted from what needs to be accomplished and being able to multi-task while completing various duties or assignments, tend to be different by definition. In my world, distractions negate progress. Multi-tasking conquers what often is hindered by distraction, achievement of goals. <br />
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Closing thought: To focus is to avoid distractions. Plain and simple. </div>
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* <span style="color: #ea9999;">♥ </span>˚ ˚<span style="color: #76a5af;">✰</span>˚ ˛<span style="color: #ffe599;">★</span>* 。 <span style="color: #d5a6bd;">ღ</span>˛° </div>
Melhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02758590196919123137noreply@blogger.com1North Gates, NY 14606, USA43.17639 -77.70166999999997911.551471 -137.46729499999998 74.801309 -17.936044999999979