Personal Thoughts

"But I'm sure that whether you decide to forgive me & continue to walk through this absolutely crazy life with me as your friend or if you decide it's best to cut ties with me so that future anger, frustration. & hurt is avoided completely... I understand & won't hold any grudges against you because you have made a great impact on my life in the short time that I've been able to call you my friend."

  
"Life is meant to be an adventure. Finding someone to share it with... can be a trip! The most important part... not holding back & having no regrets! Enjoy your adventure!!"

"The future is still unwritten.  And for me, right now, in this moment, that is my greatest comfort." 

These are all from very intimate conversations with very close friends, or people that I believed would still be in my life into t he future.  At least I still have the memories.  

(This may be one of those posts that I continue to update from time to time.) 

Closing Thoughts:  Keep it personal.  Plain and simple.

* ♥ ˚ ˚✰˚ ˛★* 。 ღ˛°

My Commitment

When you meet that one person, have that intimate connection, and know they are “the one” that you never want to see walk out of your life, do yourself a favor, and let them know how you feel.  Don’t wait. 

I have been overwhelmingly blessed with this past year to have been able to spend the countless minutes, days, weeks, months with the one person that I want to spend my life with.  We both admit that we “knew” from the night that we met, that we would be in a relationship, which neither of us wanted to go through life without taking the chance of being together.  Good or bad, pass or fail, we were taking that chance.  

I have learned with her, there is just a connection; a deeper pull at the innermost part of my heart that I had not known existed before her, even through all of my past failed relationships.

At one time, early in our budding relationship, she admitted that I had “stolen [her] swag,” rendering her almost useless when other girls tried to carry a conversation with her.  Of course, I giggled, not knowing how to really react to her openness and sweet confession of her feelings.  At that moment, I knew for sure that my heart belonged with, to her.   

We may not be engaged nor married, but we have a commitment to each other that no other will or can come between, or compromise.  She is the one I want to fall asleep with always, the one I want to wake up beside, the one I want to reach each life milestone with from here on out.  “25 to life” has become my promise to her, especially since one of her co-workers cracked a joke about me being her “ball-and-chain.”

In my heart, I know she is the woman I am going to grow old with.  From her heart, she has given the assurance that she is no longer looking for someone new.   

One day, in the near-ish future, she has already let on that she will be putting a ring on my finger.  Not to be jumping the gun at all but I cannot wait to be able to show the world our commitment to each other through that sparkle on my left hand.  With or without the ring, she has let everyone know that “[I] have been spoken for since we met and nobody better try to come between us, if they know what is good for them.”  No, she’s not trying to be a jerk, not trying to be controlling, just not wanting to have to deal with people that try to split a good thing.  

She’s my protector.  She’s my best friend.  She’s my heart.  She’s my supporter.  She’s my “man.”  She has been there to remind me that I am more than the person I was in my past.  She has been my shoulder to cry on.  She’s my lover.  She is my equal.  She is the one I have spent my adult life looking for.  I am so thankful to have found the love of my life in the woman that refuses to give up on our love, even when times get rough between us. 


 Closing Thought:  Commitment is a deeper feeling than words can define.  Plain and simple.

* ♥ ˚ ˚✰˚ ˛★* 。 ღ˛°

What Life Is...

"Life is meant to be an adventure. Finding someone to share it with... can be a trip! The most important part... not holding back & having no regrets! Enjoy your adventure!!"  -M.S.N.  (September 10th, 2011)

I have finally started to accept that the best things in life, happen when you are not expecting them.  I was starting to doubt life and the goodness of God because everything in my life was completely crashing down and I had no control over any of it at the time.  It was in the time frame of about two weeks that my life went into a terrible tailspin and I just wanted out, not having a clue about how to fix any of it.  Knowing how badly I was feeling and finally acknowledging that fact that I had made some pretty amazingly wrong choices, I started to fall apart.  I was no longer the positive, peppy, and even bubbly girl that everyone around me knew.  I was hating myself and my entire life!  I wanted all of the bad to go away and not bother to be around because I felt like the biggest let-down and failure ever. Then during the tail end of these two weeks, that I started to communicate with some absolutely positive minded people.

While getting to know these people better and during the long conversations that we have had, I am learning more about who I am.  I know I have great friends that will be there for me to vent to, discuss life with, and cry to but being able to look at life through someone else's eyes, is something that I have not been able to do in a long time.  I am understanding that each and every person in the life had their own demons to deal with and just because I felt as though my life was out of my control, it was just the circumstances that were out of my control.  I needed a "jump start" to get myself to focus on what I could change and start there.

In the past few days, positive outcomes have started to show themselves to me.  I am excited about a job opportunity that has presented itself to me and am currently crossing my fingers, along with many of my closest friends are also.  I have a more positive outlook on my life and I do not feel as lost anymore.  Being able to overcome such deep feelings of loneliness, rejection, anger, etc. has put a smile on my face that has not left in days.

-- Not yet completed... --

Closing Thought:  Life is a work in progress.  Plain & simple.

* ♥ ˚ ˚✰˚ ˛★* 。 ღ˛°

"Fleeting Happiness"

"Life is a fluid concept
So who knows if you can ever be truly happy with life.
It’s more of a momentary or fleeting happiness." -K.R.     (August 5th, 2011)

Let me begin by saying, how true!  In the months that I have been blessed to call the author of this statement my friend, I have seen through my own eyes, and heart, just how momentary happiness can be.  I have lived more than my fair share of life's ups and downs.  I have felt how quickly, in just seconds, happiness can be whisked away and replaced with sadness, anger, doubt, betrayal, hurt, the list is endless.

As for as I'm concerned and knowing who I am, I am generally a happy-go-lucky girl, that has always tried to seek out the good in everyone while trying to bring out the happiness, smiles, and laughter in the people that I am surrounded with.  I love to laugh and be silly with my circle of friends, family, and work associates simply because I know life is far too short to not enjoy every possible moment to the fullest.  I have been told that I have a rather "infectious personality" and that "whatever you're on, we need to bottle up and sell," both statements crack me up!  

Although, I do try to show myself to the world as a girl that has "it" together, when I know that this is not the case at all.  I see the way when I am with certain people, and how it differs from when I am around others.  I "hide behind my smile" when I am nervous, feel unwelcome, or when I feel my character is being attacked.  I may outwardly look "happy" but inside I am falling apart at certain moments.  There are times that I hate being human and having emotions, especially when I know that a huge percentage of my live has been filled with joy and happiness. 

I cannot stand being blindsided in life at the times when I finally feel that happiness is within my reach.  Having the power to overcome these moments, being able to remove the hurt and bitterness before these feelings take root, is a great accomplishment and shows just how much I have grown as person within the past few months.  Finally being able to put aside my selfishness, and actually being happy for the life decisions that are made would not have happened in my past.

I am a girl that struggles with depression and has plenty of mood swings.  I have been known to hold onto regret when I know I should not because there should be no choices in life that should ever be filed under "regret" if a life lesson was taken from the experience.  It has always been a lifelong fault of mine that I give into the negative attitudes or personalities around me and let them bring me down.  For quite some time, I had learned to refocus then rise above negative and let my inner joy for life shine through.  Recently, I almost feel I am starting to lose that ability, thus making it hard to conquer the depression that has embedded itself deeply into my soul.  One day, I will find true contentment and inner peace while being able to leave the depression far behind me.

I live for the days that I am surrounded with my favorite people, even if it is only through a phone call, chat message, or facebook.  I feel lost and empty the days that I spend without them.  I love seeing the happy expressions on everyone's faces and hearing the emotion in their voices.  I cannot see my life without the people I love so much and that cherish me in return. 

Closing thought: Hold onto whatever "fleeting happiness" comes your way, it could be gone in a moment.  Plain and simple.   

* ♥ ˚ ˚✰˚ ˛★* 。 ღ˛°