Saturday, August 6, 2011

"Fleeting Happiness"

"Life is a fluid concept
So who knows if you can ever be truly happy with life.
It’s more of a momentary or fleeting happiness." -K.R.     (August 5th, 2011)
Let me begin by saying, how true!  In the months that I have been blessed to call the author of this statement my friend, I have seen through my own eyes, and heart, just how momentary happiness can be.  I have lived more than my fair share of life's ups and downs.  I have felt how quickly, in just seconds, happiness can be whisked away and replaced with sadness, anger, doubt, betrayal, hurt, the list is endless.
As for as I'm concerned and knowing who I am, I am generally a happy-go-lucky girl, that has always tried to seek out the good in everyone while trying to bring out the happiness, smiles, and laughter in the people that I am surrounded with.  I love to laugh and be silly with my circle of friends, family, and work associates simply because I know life is far too short to not enjoy every possible moment to the fullest.  I have been told that I have a rather "infectious personality" and that "whatever you're on, we need to bottle up and sell," both statements crack me up!  
Although, I do try to show myself to the world as a girl that has "it" together, when I know that this is not the case at all.  I see the way when I am with certain people, and how it differs from when I am around others.  I "hide behind my smile" when I am nervous, feel unwelcome, or when I feel my character is being attacked.  I may outwardly look "happy" but inside I am falling apart at certain moments.  There are times that I hate being human and having emotions, especially when I know that a huge percentage of my live has been filled with joy and happiness. 
I cannot stand being blindsided in life at the times when I finally feel that happiness is within my reach.  Having the power to overcome these moments, being able to remove the hurt and bitterness before these feelings take root, is a great accomplishment and shows just how much I have grown as person within the past few months.  Finally being able to put aside my selfishness, and actually being happy for the life decisions that are made would not have happened in my past.
I am a girl that struggles with depression and has plenty of mood swings.  I have been known to hold onto regret when I know I should not because there should be no choices in life that should ever be filed under "regret" if a life lesson was taken from the experience.  It has always been a lifelong fault of mine that I give into the negative attitudes or personalities around me and let them bring me down.  For quite some time, I had learned to refocus then rise above negative and let my inner joy for life shine through.  Recently, I almost feel I am starting to lose that ability, thus making it hard to conquer the depression that has embedded itself deeply into my soul.  One day, I will find true contentment and inner peace while being able to leave the depression far behind me.
I live for the days that I am surrounded with my favorite people, even if it is only through a phone call, chat message, or facebook.  I feel lost and empty the days that I spend without them.  I love seeing the happy expressions on everyone's faces and hearing the emotion in their voices.  I cannot see my life without the people I love so much and that cherish me in return. 
Closing thought: Hold onto whatever "fleeting happiness" comes your way, it could be gone in a moment.  Plain and simple.   
* ˚ ˚˚ ˛★* 。 ˛° 

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