Reading List

Since I started taking my (favorite literature class thus far) Gay & Lesbian Literature class at school (and keep in mind that I am going to be 30, so "school" that I speak of is my first attempt at college since life happened between now & high school), I have started to make a reading list.  I might, one day, post my list but until I get it squared away, feel free to tell me what are your favorite LGBT genre novels, memoirs, fiction, etc.  

I am always excited to add to my ever-growing "library" of literature, sitting on my dresser, leaned against my jewelry box.  Eventually, when she and I buy a house, we will have a library for the vast amounts of books that the two of us have collected over the years, seperately and as a couple.  

Here are a few titles or authors that I have an interest in reading:

• Butch is a Noun - S. Bear Bergman
• Drag King Dreams - Leslie Feinberg
• Audre Lorde
• Are You My Mother? - Alison Bechdel
• Ellen Hopkins (possibly but not a burning interest)
• House on Mango Street - Sandra Cisneros
• And Tango Makes Three - Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson (may be children's lit but I do have kids!)

As you can tell, it's a short list at the moment, considering I'm sitting here trying to recall what titles I had wanted to read.  

Alright, time to jet.  Needing to get home to finish my papers (obviously, I have not accomplished them yet since I'm still a little distracted.  Hoping I have officially cleared my mind now!)

Let me mention one minor side note: my girlfriend has decided that I am "overly obsessed with my 'gayness'."  Please remind her that it's completely alright for me to be like this!!  :-)

Closing Thoughts:  Ever expanding knowledge, ROCKS!  Plain and simple.

* ♥ ˚ ˚✰˚ ˛★* 。 ღ˛°

Updating my list! 

I have an ever expanding, almost exploding, bookshelf full of books within the LGBTQAI genre and I can't seem to stop adding more to it!

• The Illusionist - Francoise Mallet-Joris 
• I Am a Red Dress: Incantations on a Grandmother, a Mother, and a Daughter - Anna Camilleri
• Annie on My Mind - Nancy Garden
• Ash & Huntress - Malinda Lo
• The Photograph - Jane Retzig
• Tell the Wolves I'm Home - Carol Rifka Brunt

These are a few, and obviously since authors continue to publish, this list will continue to grow.  (Plus, this makes a great place for me to list them and have them saved so I don't lose the papers I write the titles on!  Sometimes I have good ideas.)

Ugh, The Lack of Focus

Why does this keep happening to me?  I have 3 very different papers to write and I cannot focus on any of them.  My mind wanders to the trillion things other than my paper topics.  

What am I doing?  I have less than 48 hours to complete all three for my classes and my mind just is not here.  

Alright, now that I have that out, sort of.  Maybe I can actually focus and write three amazing papers!  .... Back to work!!  And I forgot to mention that I have to be to work in about 43 minutes.  

I can do this!  I have to do this!


Closing thought:  Get it together, plain & simple! 

* ♥ ˚ ˚✰˚ ˛★* 。 ღ˛° 

My Commitment

When you meet that one person, have that intimate connection, and know they are “the one” that you never want to see walk out of your life, do yourself a favor, and let them know how you feel.  Don’t wait. 

I have been overwhelmingly blessed with this past year to have been able to spend the countless minutes, days, weeks, months with the one person that I want to spend my life with.  We both admit that we “knew” from the night that we met, that we would be in a relationship, which neither of us wanted to go through life without taking the chance of being together.  Good or bad, pass or fail, we were taking that chance.  

I have learned with her, there is just a connection; a deeper pull at the innermost part of my heart that I had not known existed before her, even through all of my past failed relationships.

At one time, early in our budding relationship, she admitted that I had “stolen [her] swag,” rendering her almost useless when other girls tried to carry a conversation with her.  Of course, I giggled, not knowing how to really react to her openness and sweet confession of her feelings.  At that moment, I knew for sure that my heart belonged with, to her.   

We may not be engaged nor married, but we have a commitment to each other that no other will or can come between, or compromise.  She is the one I want to fall asleep with always, the one I want to wake up beside, the one I want to reach each life milestone with from here on out.  “25 to life” has become my promise to her, especially since one of her co-workers cracked a joke about me being her “ball-and-chain.”

In my heart, I know she is the woman I am going to grow old with.  From her heart, she has given the assurance that she is no longer looking for someone new.   

One day, in the near-ish future, she has already let on that she will be putting a ring on my finger.  Not to be jumping the gun at all but I cannot wait to be able to show the world our commitment to each other through that sparkle on my left hand.  With or without the ring, she has let everyone know that “[I] have been spoken for since we met and nobody better try to come between us, if they know what is good for them.”  No, she’s not trying to be a jerk, not trying to be controlling, just not wanting to have to deal with people that try to split a good thing.  

She’s my protector.  She’s my best friend.  She’s my heart.  She’s my supporter.  She’s my “man.”  She has been there to remind me that I am more than the person I was in my past.  She has been my shoulder to cry on.  She’s my lover.  She is my equal.  She is the one I have spent my adult life looking for.  I am so thankful to have found the love of my life in the woman that refuses to give up on our love, even when times get rough between us. 


 Closing Thought:  Commitment is a deeper feeling than words can define.  Plain and simple.

* ♥ ˚ ˚✰˚ ˛★* 。 ღ˛°

Refocus & Redefine

"Stop letting men define who you are because right now they are treating you like a doormat." - J.D.  (August 31, 2011)

There are times that the statements that might just hurt the most if said by the wrong person, can be completely appreciated when told by the closest, most trusted friend.

I was blessed today to be able to have a long, open, honest conversation with one of my lifelong friends, J.D., whom I have always respected for her honesty.  She knows me as well as I know myself, and is always there for me when I need someone to lean on, no matter the situation.  Today, I found myself chatting with J.D. about the recent happenings that have overwhelmed my life, and that I have allowed to begin to steal my inner joy for life.  J.D. listened to what I was saying, understanding that my mind and heart were not on the same page, yet without hesitation she knew the right way to tell me that I need to refocus life and stop looking to other people to define the woman I am.

___

I have found myself, almost 5 months later, coming back to this particular post, just as I had left it... unfinished.  I find that it is meant to be incomplete, as most of my thoughts and feelings do not always have a final endpoint.  I feel that this post is best left as it is... unfinished and incomplete... because who said that every moment in life needs to find an end.

What J.D. said to me that day will forever be held in my heart.  Thank you for being such an amazing friend whenever I need one the most.  I know our friendship will never be incomplete...

Closing thought:  Be as unfinished as you need to be.  Plain and simple.

* ♥ ˚ ˚✰˚ ˛★* 。 ღ˛°

What Life Is...

"Life is meant to be an adventure. Finding someone to share it with... can be a trip! The most important part... not holding back & having no regrets! Enjoy your adventure!!"  -M.S.N.  (September 10th, 2011)

I have finally started to accept that the best things in life, happen when you are not expecting them.  I was starting to doubt life and the goodness of God because everything in my life was completely crashing down and I had no control over any of it at the time.  It was in the time frame of about two weeks that my life went into a terrible tailspin and I just wanted out, not having a clue about how to fix any of it.  Knowing how badly I was feeling and finally acknowledging that fact that I had made some pretty amazingly wrong choices, I started to fall apart.  I was no longer the positive, peppy, and even bubbly girl that everyone around me knew.  I was hating myself and my entire life!  I wanted all of the bad to go away and not bother to be around because I felt like the biggest let-down and failure ever. Then during the tail end of these two weeks, that I started to communicate with some absolutely positive minded people.

While getting to know these people better and during the long conversations that we have had, I am learning more about who I am.  I know I have great friends that will be there for me to vent to, discuss life with, and cry to but being able to look at life through someone else's eyes, is something that I have not been able to do in a long time.  I am understanding that each and every person in the life had their own demons to deal with and just because I felt as though my life was out of my control, it was just the circumstances that were out of my control.  I needed a "jump start" to get myself to focus on what I could change and start there.

In the past few days, positive outcomes have started to show themselves to me.  I am excited about a job opportunity that has presented itself to me and am currently crossing my fingers, along with many of my closest friends are also.  I have a more positive outlook on my life and I do not feel as lost anymore.  Being able to overcome such deep feelings of loneliness, rejection, anger, etc. has put a smile on my face that has not left in days.

-- Not yet completed... --

Closing Thought:  Life is a work in progress.  Plain & simple.

* ♥ ˚ ˚✰˚ ˛★* 。 ღ˛°